Many of you know that I work part time in the disability sector, what you may not know about me is that for the past 8 years or so I have been experiencing what I call ‘my turns’(You will see the connection in a minute). I have had all sorts of test for this EEG, cat scans, MRI, been prodded, poked and finally pronounced that they are silent migraines. Which means, in terms of my body, that I don’t get the head aches but I certainly get the symptoms. When I have a full blown ‘turn’ I cannot move my body or speak.  Which ever position I lay down in, is what I stay in for as long as it takes for the switch to flick and I am back in the land of the moving. I can hear and understand everything, I simply cannot get my body to co-operate. This can last anywhere between 20 mins and 3 hours. What I always think about when I feel trapped in my body, when I can’t wipe a tear or snot away, or remove the blankets because I am too warm, or shift positions because my hand is starting to hurt; are the beautiful children I see at school who are like this 24/7. Those cerebral palsy kids that are reliant on us for everything. What those turns have done is made me vastly more aware of noticing the little things with these students. 

I can remember at teachers college doing an assignment where I had to spend an entire outing blind folded – from getting dressed to eating, to going to the toilet. I tell you it was scary and enlightening. For example, when someone told me we were coming to some stairs I immediately asked are they going up or down and how many? I would never have thought that before. The old adage of don’t judge anyone until you have walked in their shoes is certainly one that we can take to heart. However I would like to add to that…

If you can imagine that we are all standing on the outer rim of a stationary wheel with a light in the middle on the hub, then from a northerly position we would be adamant that the light is south from us. And if we were standing on the rim in the south position then we would be adamant that the light is north. However if we then turned the wheel we would begin to see not only the light but each other from completely different perspectives, many different perspectives. And when we returned to our position in the north or south, we would then know that we were neither right or wrong, just different and that in reality we all stand in the light.

It is the same for when we look at people with a disability or from a different culture, race, religion, sex, age, social circle. If we could turn the wheel and then back, how much more compassion, empathy, understanding and tolerance would we have. We don’t have to stay in that position if it doesn’t feel right but we can certainly create space for allowing and accepting. 

Next time you are having difficulty with someone, or are just bewildered by another’s behaviour or thoughts, turn the wheel and back again and see if it gives you fresh insight and a wider ‘comfort circle’ to dwell in.

Natalie

www.spiritedwomensnetwork.com

www.rubymoondreaming.com

When my daughter was about thirteen she had a very close nit group of friends. They kept this perpetual diary that they took turns writing in and decorating for a week. As you can imagine at that age it was a fabulous support and recording of teen age discovery, worries, dreams. It sustained them for about two years. Just as it was about to wind up I decided to to write something to share with them. I found that piece of writing again recently and it got me wondering what other people would have written to either their own daughters or to their younger self. What advice would you give to a younger woman?  Here is what I said…..

To All of My Beautiful Daughter 

This gift of wisdom I give to you.  If you were to take these words to heart and live by them, your life will know joy, purpose and integrity.

“You create your life, all of it.  The good, the great, the bad, the ugly.  Sometimes we don’t understand at the time why we have created something, especially when it hurts.  Sometimes it is because we have created unconsciously and sometimes Divine wisdom steps in and creates what we need, not necessarily what we want.  But know that you are powerful enough to create exactly what you think about. 

You do this by the choices you make.  You make the choices you do depending on how you feel about yourself and how you see yourself relating to the world.  How you treat yourself is how other people and the world will treat you.

So above all else know with every fiber of your being that you are special, unique and of the Goddess essence.  Act like a goddess, express like a goddess, expect like a goddess.  Everything that comes from you is sacred.  Whether it is your time, your energy, your sexuality, your love, your feelings – only give it where it is deserved and to those who will honour and treat it as the gift it is. 

Don’t ever let anyone tell you, either by words or actions that you are anything less.  Remind each other everyday of your beauty, both in and out.  And if you see a friend forgetting what she is worth, gently remind her.

You all have a wonderful bond, a sensational energy as a group.  Keep it strong and centred.  No boy, or situation should come in between.  Take care of yourselves and each other.

As a mother, as a daughter, but mostly as a women, I give you my love and blessings.”

I wasn’t given words like this when I was that age. A lot of shoulds and should nots. A lot of subtle but powerful messages of disempowerment. If this was your experience too, then maybe you could write a letter to your younger self or go into meditation and talk with her.

Natalie

www.rubymoondreaming.com

www.spiritedwomensnetwork.com

Do you ever get those really random urges. (No not those kind of urges). You know the ones where you are standing in a queue somewhere and you get that sneaky voice in your head that says ‘Go on pinch the cute bum in front of you’. Those thoughts that are unbidden and usually inappropriate. I often wonder where they come from. Is it my inner child? My saucy secret self? My rebel? My naughty Nat. Some aspect of me that hides away until I am unguarded and then pops our some like demented jack in a box to scare the daylights out of me and if I was to follow through with the suggestion, the rest of the population too. Go on, you know you have had them too. Those thoughts or feelings that if you actually enacted them you might get locked up in jail or in the loony bin. Well because I can’t or won’t actually act them out this is about as close as I am going to get to the thrill of seeing them fulfilled. So here are my top 10 random urges that if I had the guts or lack of inhibition I would do…..

1. Do a handstand or cartwheel in the middle of the road, the Plaza, a boring meeting or restaurant.
2. Pinch the bum of the cute guy in front of me.
3. Dance in a fountain in my bikinis in the middle of City Square.
4. Sing at the top of my lungs in the supermarket to the song over the loud speaker.
5. Run around and pull up all the shorts to a decent level.
6. Hug strangers who look sad.
7. Sky dive naked.
8. Have a picnic on the median strip.
9. Wear pajamas and take pillows and blankets to the movies.
10. Set up a double bed, complete with mozzie net etc on the beach to watch the sun set and the moon rise.

I tell you my head is full of them.  So if you see me standing somewhere with this mischievous smile on my face and a far away look, don’t disturb, I am quietly letting the scenarios unfold in mind.

Natalie

www.rubymoondreaming.com

www.spiritedwomensnetwork.com

Recently I had a birthday gathering and before all the festivities commenced I wanted to create an atmosphere and space of safety, support and intimacy. I did this by having all the women sit in circle, participating in a couple of activities that assisted everyone to melt away the barriers between strangers and to join as sisters. For some this was the first time they had been involved in something like this and for others it had been a very long time between.  The magic that was generated and created by this simple exercise was palatable and really set the energy for the whole day.  Needless to say it was a fabulously fun, open, bonding celebration.

What is it about ‘circle’ that can craft such powerful connections and why do we respond in the way we do? I believe it is because when we sit in circle, on many levels, we are ‘remembering’. To begin with it is symbolic of the cyclic nature of our existence – Wheel of life, the day and night, seasons, menstruation cycles, growth, the moon and sun. It is that inter-connectedness and inter -dependence; we are all one. Nothing exists without the other.The circle is sacred geometry found within and throughout our very existence so without our even having to be aware the essence of circle influences us.

Secondly it represents ‘space’ and boundaries. By stepping into and out of circle we are entering and exiting sacred space. It provides a container for spiritual practice to unfold. When embraced in the circle there is a sense of belonging, security, potential.  This is unity, protection, wholeness.

Thirdly as women we also respond to circle from ancestral knowing. In circle is how we cooked, attended children, crafted, mended, worshiped, discussed, danced and surrendered. We ‘know’ this energy. We know the power of facing/mirroring the others in front, beside and around us. So when we are invited to do so now, in this modern world, there is a part of us that says ‘I am home’.

And as modern women we need more opportunity to be in circle whether they are magic circles for sacred practice or fairy rings for fun and frivolity. Perhaps in our time poor culture it is a combination of both, a complimentary joining that takes two circles and forms the infinity sign. For are we not infinite beings?

Creating circle for family, friends and colleagues takes very little effort and the effects can be transformational. Once a month circle for what ever reason you choose could bring enchanting and divine experience into your life. Go on be a circle sister.

Natalie

www.rubymoondreaming.com

www.spiritewomensnetwork.com

I met my first husband when I was twenty one. At the time I remember ringing my mum and saying that I would marry this man. How I knew that after only one meeting I am not sure but something within me just knew. I wish I could say that it was a happy, healthy and long lasting relationship, but I can’t. I ‘loved’ him deeply to my own detriment. We lasted 15years before we ended it for the second and final time. Do I believe he was my soul mate? Yes I do. I learnt so much about myself in that relationship. I feel to the absolute low of lows but in clawing my way to the light again, I strengthened, grew, blossomed and formed. 

When we think or hear of soul mates it is often in that ‘romantic novel’ sense of living happy ever after! But what if there are soul mates for different purposes? I had to love my first husband enough to stick around and fight for what we had. I had to believe in us enough to want to grow and evolve. I am certainly happy not to be there now but would I be who I am if I didn’t go through this experience with him. Would I have the relationship I have now without learning those lessons?

See what I have now is the ‘happy-ever-after’ kind of love. Oh my god it could not be so different. Like with my first husband, I knew without a doubt that this man was for me. It was a long, difficult and confronting journey for us to  be together but it was worth it. This feels like my reward, my treasure and pleasure for doing the hard yards. If you ask me if he is my soul mate I would say joyously ‘yes’. 

So does this mean we can have more than one? Do soul mates actually exist or is it our heart calling for the experience of relationship with specific people? Instead of soul mates is it soul family that we remember and resonate with? I am fascinated by what draws people together above others who have equally attractive qualities. This past weekend I attended a wedding where the bride and groom were both in their mid forties, they had never married or had children. They waited a long time to find each other. Soul mates, divine time or just poor dating skills? 

We have relationships through out our lives but we all know the ones that had a deep connection or impact on us. Is it just about the learnings or is it something much more ‘ordained’? Is it both? Are they intrinsic lessons that need to be learned with a specific person or a relationship in general? Oh the mind and heart boggles! 

Soul mate - 

• A soulmate or soul mate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility. …

A friend sent me a link that I read with equal parts horror and hope. It got me thinking of how many friends I have that are victims of childhood sexual abuse. In fact one day while having lunch with three of my friends it unfolded that I was the only one who had not had this happen. God forbid I was the minority. What does that say about how warped the world is for incest and abuse to be the ‘norm’. 

I have recently made a fundraising calendar for the Free To Shine charity that provides ongoing education to young girls who have been rescued from or are at risk of being sold into child sex slavery. This is epidemic! This is the systematic rape of innocence, self-esteem, boundaries and love. Someone please tell me the why? Why is this such an attraction for men and women too! Is it the control or power? Is it a deluded sense of affection or love? Is it an attempt on these peoples’ behalf to recapture some essence of childhood within themselves? Or is it a complete lack of disregard and respect for our children and their souls?

What can we do about this? Stand up and voice our concerns about the sexualization of children in the media. Demand harsher penalties for the establishments and patrons of these places that exploit these children. Put more money and support into departments that are supposed to protect children who are at risk in their own homes. Love and listen to our children too. I don’t know what the answer is but if you look at the link you can feel the despair and at the same time the courage!

The women in the link and my friends are unbreakable but they are not without scars. I have watched these same friends ‘be’ in the world with them. In some the scars are barely visible and in others they are like gaping wounds. But all of them are affected and have had to adjust, accept, move past and assimilate in order to have healthy and deep relationships with themselves and others. They are like a record (now I am showing my age). Their individual melody is still complete and beautiful but with a scratch that distorts the flow. 

I know that we are all like that to a degree just from our everyday journey, however having to deal with these traumatic experiences (and their stories are traumatic) is something that I feel very blessed to have not had as part of my own life.  So I want to say to my friends and anyone else out there who have walked this path – you may be scarred but you are unbreakable. Like the bamboo or the willow your integrity, inner strength and core is untouched. 

Natalie

www.spiritedwomensnetwork.com

www.rubymoondreaming.com

Now that the silly season is over and the kids are back at school you might be thinking about getting your life back in order along with the house! And it starts with decluttering your days and reclaiming your time. Following is an extract from “I am woman – the art of being you”, Skip 8: Decluttering Your Kingdom.

My Top 8 Decluttering Commandments: 

One of my fondest memories of being a young girl is my Aunty Lola’s bed. You see she had a king size bed that could fit the feminine collective of my family. This included my Grandmother, my mum, my two aunts, my younger cousin and myself. It was on this bed that I learned about being a woman, the joys, sorrow, trials and tribulations – not that I realized that at the time, I simply loved being immersed in belonging to this circle of women, of hearing their conversation and feeling the cocoon of caring and concern that enveloped us. They would just talk as sisters and mothers do, forgetting the quiet little ones with ears pealed and hearts open.  

As I grew older, the bed was again a physical support for the turmoil and headaches of teenage life as well as the secrets and laughter of hanging with girlfriends. I have recollections of sitting on the bed with my bestest buddy laughing so hard that my stomach hurt and I couldn’t catch my breathe. It was where hopes were shared and tears also. It was my solace, creative space and dream weaver. I see the same in my daughter when her friends are over and there is a part of me that is jealous of that infectious energy, closed against the world and growing up. At these times I really want a bedroom girlfriend who will sit in their pj’s, eat junk and laugh so hard that the champagne comes out of your nose (gross hey but you know what I mean). 

And oh what joys and pleasure can be shared in a bed and how much fun was it to discover the delights beneath the blankets. This brought another type of intimacy and connection. The bed became a cocoon, a bubble of love and heat and deliciousness. At this time the bed and the events within it can becomes a sacred space – a container for divine union and earthly too. Still more whispered endearments, candid conversations, smiles and giggles. True, the sheets also wrapped around pain, despair and loneliness too, but always I was cradled in comfort with a place to rest my head. 

So now it has come full circle and my bed has seen birth, babies, play, ecstasy, sadness and joy. I have had heart to hearts with my husband, daughter and son on the bed. I have read stories, played airplanes, chased away nightmares, wiped away tears, mended friendships, consoled a loss. With my daughter in Canada I have sat on my bed and she on hers and skyped away the distance. I have lost myself in pages and in my partner and still the bed supports the living that goes on.  I am looking forward to the time when I will be the matriarch and hold court in my king size, with daughter and grandchildren, friends and family infusing the bed with memories. 

And If I am so lucky I will pass from here in the arms of my husband, head on pillow, blankets tucked in and dreams fulfilled. 

Sweet Dreams, Natalie 

Natalie is the creator of Spirited Women’s Network and Ruby Moon Dreaming – Encouraging Woman to Be – In fullness and Richness. 

If your son is anything like my almost 17 year old, generally the most communication you get from them is a grunt or some mumbled response that you need a braille machine to decipher. Being an avid communicator I find this some what frustrating and a challenge to keep our connection strong and meaningful. Since I cannot talk with any indepth knowledge of the right body boarding conditions or what motor bike is the best, finding complimentary topics that interest us both and that don’t revolve around the mundane, has me wracking my brain for inspiration. 

Well I have discovered a new secret weapon. Driving! My son is clocking up his 100 hours which equates to plenty of one on one time in the car. In his book ‘Raising Boys’ Steve Biddulph  suggests that if you want to have meaningful conversations with boys then don’t sit them down in front of you and try and make eye contact and conversation. Too threatening. You are better off engaging in an activity where you can ‘work’ or ‘play’ side by side. They will be much more open to talking in this scenario. And of course learning to drive is the perfect example of this. 

While we have been negotiating the road rules and traffic we have talked about everything from girlfriends, his guy friends, school, dreams, religion, expectations, perfection, growing up, drugs and alcohol and of course body boards and motor bikes. It is not every time we get in the car but the topics seem to emerge organically. So as much as it can be a pain clocking up and keeping tabs on the hours, I am treasuring the time we are sharing. I finally feel as though our bond has strengthened again and I know him a little better.  

Soon the 100 hours will be up and he will be driving by his-self and in fact I will probably see less and less of him as he ventures out into the adult world. I hope that in retrospect he will value the time we spent driving in cars and will know he can come to me if ever he needs. It looks like I may have to take up body boarding so we can have some ‘ocean conversations’ too. 

Natalie Hennessey is creatrix of Spirited Women’s Network, an online directory and calendar of transformation workshops and events and Ruby Moon Dreaming, a one-on-one sistering business to assist women in rediscovering their sacred and sassy selves. 

  Lately there have been many blogs shared around the theme of gratitude and after listening to Amanda Gore recently, it only reinforced the positive effects that ‘being thankful’ can bring into your experience. Every day I am grateful for the amazing people who grace my life, for where I live, my work, my health – my many blessings. But as I was listening to the rain last night I began to conjure in my mind all the little things that make our everyday life spectacularly ordinary in the most amazing ways. So here is a list of my top ten small wonders of joy. 

1. The way my hand feels when it is resting in my husbands. How his curls around mine like his love around my heart. 
2. The absolute exuberance that is elicited by my dog’s tail when he sees me come home in the afternoon and how it travels up through his body like a shimmy on a dancer.
3. How delicious and safe it feels to be tucked under the blankets on a soft bed when you can hear the wild weather clawing at you through the windows.
4. The feel of cool, enveloping water on naked skin – like a lover’s caress and just as stimulating.
5. Losing myself in the rhythm of dance, being oblivious to everything else but the way the music moves my body and soul.
6. Delighting in the texture and taste of my favourite food, how it tantalizes the tastebuds and fills me with warmth and contentment all the way to my toes. 
7. Having my own bird choir awaken the day and ensure my breakfast is an experience of harmony with nature.
8. How the smell of toast and vegemite can transport me back to pajamas, Saturday morning cartoons, and milo in a sip cup. 
9. That photographs capture pure gifts of moments of time that put a smile on my lips, fullness in my heart and sweetness in my soul.
10. That I can look in the mirror at my reflection and honesty feel that I love the person who stares back at me. She’s a top bird you know.

“From little things, big things grow”.